As I lie here awake, unable to sleep, thinking on the last 9 months of my pregnancy, I feel a little gloom creeping in. The end of my season has come..
I have 2 weeks left until we meet our princess. 2 weeks. Where did all that time go?
I struggled through most of my pregnancy. Either with tiredness, aches and pains, low energy. I feel like I was just one of those women that pregnancy didn’t look all that fabulous on. And I realize that I’ve probably wished most of my pregnancy away. Wishing that the end would come quickly. And now it’s here. While I’m thankful in many ways, mostly so that we can meet our precious daughter and start our lives together as a family of 4 and all the joy that holds. However, it’s left me feeling a little glum.
It’s a miracle that I was able to fall pregnant after being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and all the drugs that involves. I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the positive pregnancy test. So I did it again. 4 times. To my disbelief, there was a miracle growing inside of me. And I’m ever so thankful for that. It’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride and a struggle on my body. And I haven’t coped too well. I unfortunately missed the session of halo handouts at the start line. And I didn’t seem to find my pregnancy glow along the way.
It’s been a challenge in my marriage as we’ve had to juggle the responsibilities on our shoulders of another child, learn how to do this life with a toddler and a tough pregnancy. Trying to figure out how we would afford all the Gynae visits, scans and the hospital stay. And then on top of that, another baby. Worrying about how our daughter would cope with a sister, a new baby. Worrying about how she would handle the change in our home, the change in my time and attention with her. Worrying far too much about things out of my control.
I so wished that I cherished these moments more. The month by month growing tum pics that I hardly took, the photo shoot that we never did, the family of 3 holiday that we never went on before becoming a family of 4.
I don’t choose to live with regret. I won’t. But I will say to the other mamas out there – enjoy it. Day by day, enjoy the small things. Enjoy the first doc appointment. Frame your first ultrasound picture. Take a moment to breathe it all in and enjoy the process. Don’t stress about time or money. Enjoy it!
And remember at the end of the day – it’s all about you and your family. However it goes down. Family is precious. Hold on to them tight. Love your tribe hard!
Now that’s it 02:30am, I might try and get some sleep. Wait. Now I have a serious case of the munchies. Oh the joys!