Earlier this evening, we rushed our 2 week old daughter to the emergency room with a high temperature. As we were waiting on the nurses panicked about our little girls well being, an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair came out of the casualty area – and I thought to myself – “How do we get from here – 2 weeks old – to there” – the elderly gentleman was probably about 80 years old. Life! Time! It’s so rare.
As I eagerly await our baby girls first smile, to her first word, to her first step – I remind myself that these moments are precious. Everyone says to you as a mom, treasure these moments, they don’t last for long. Hold on to them. And often mommys of newborns are just desperate for a decent nights sleep so they wish these moments away.
I have been sleep deprived for the last week, I’m emotional and feel like a zombie most of the time. During the day, my beautiful and busy 16 month old demands my attention. I’ve been left feeling slightly shattered. It’s in these moments of exhaustion that I find myself wishing away this newborn phase, just so that I can get some sleep. Wishing for a moment where it’s slightly ‘easier’ to handle the demands of Motherhood. But as I sit here in the Paediatric ward next to my baby girl and stare at her gorgeous face, I beg time to stop. I beg that she would be little forever. That I would be able to hold her close always! Holding her tiny little body in my arms and loving her, doting over her, brings my heart such joy. It makes every moment of sleeplessness worth it. I can’t close my eyes. I can’t look away from her. I sit and stare and admire her perfectly formed body. I beg time to stop.
The reality is that time doesn’t stop. It’s a guarantee in this life. It moves on with or without us. And soon we’ll be 80, wondering what happened to us, wondering where all of it went?
I’ll be sure to make extra effort to enjoy this life, this phase and this season. To reap the rewards and face the challenges head on. To be strong for my family and to carry them in love. To enjoy all the moments of Motherhood, the good, the bad and the ugly. Remembering that each moment will shape me as I learn and grow. To hold on to precious moments of crazy laughter and to persevere through moments of crying babies and tantrums. I choose it all. The whole package. I don’t want to miss a thing. I choose to keep track of the fun times and remember them often. I choose to make memories with my family – whether it be family outings or dancing around the house until our legs hurt. I choose to make it last. Stretch out time as much as I can. Yes, I also chose to enjoy some downtime – a long hot bath when the kids are asleep, a glass of wine with my husband. I choose to embrace it all. I choose to embrace this journey of Motherhood. Holding onto every moment like a lifeline. Making memories for my 80 year old self to look back on and think, ‘Man, I’ve had a great life!’ I choose to make the most of the time I’ve been given and pray intentionally through it all, knowing and trusting that in the end it’s all in His hands.
Thank you Jesus for this wonderful life!
I choose it all!