I sat in my car with tears streaming down my face while watching the waves rolling up on the seashore. My husband and I had just had a huge fight and I needed to get out and have some me time. It had been a rough couple of weeks.
For a few brief weeks during the last leg of my pregnancy, my husband had to step up and be the mom and dad to our two toddlers. My pregnancy had me flat on my back most of the time. I struggled so much that by four o’ clock in the afternoon I was in bed and resting, parked off for the rest of the night. I was heavily laden with physical setbacks that I struggled to cope. My happy chirpy demeanor had been clouded by pangs of pain and uncomfortableness. My joints were aching from my now three-year struggle with rheumatoid arthritis. In all honesty, it sucked.
I wasn’t crying because of my husband and the trivial spew of words we shared but rather because I was battling with the notion that I was not enough. A reoccurring thought that had me drowning in a sea of insecurity. I looked in the mirror and all I could see was a wife that had failed her husband and a mom that had failed her kids – feeling as if I would never measure up to the idealistic mom figure. I felt as though I had failed myself. While sitting in my car processing the last couple of months, the words of the Father washed over me as I listened to some worship music. This is what He said:
You are Enough!
You are Loved!
You are Strong!
You are NOT a failure!
You are not alone,
You are Mine!
These words by Lauren Daigle echo in my head:
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, You say that I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You, I find my worth, in You I find my identity.
Do you believe?
You Are Enough!
Allow these words to echo in your mind and wash over you as you breath in the love of Jesus.
Sweet Mama, that can’t get out of bed to get your kids to school on time – it’s okay – you are enough. To the working Mom that just yelled at her kids for making her late, you are enough! To the exhausted Mom of a newborn that can’t be bothered to shower, you are ENOUGH!
As I allow the healing words of Jesus to wash over me I realize that I shouldn’t allow the enemy of insecurities to weigh me down and feast at my heartache. I draw my strength from the Word of God which enables me to face another day.
The reality of life is that motherhood is hard. It challenges me to my core, it pushes me past my limitations and it begs for a huge dose of patience – which I don’t have – but just because I have days where I wade through motherhood like a pile of mud doesn’t mean that I am a failure, no it means that I am a triumphant. I persevere. I clench down with my white-knuckled fists and I fight my way through my selfishness and lean deep into the presence of Christ which enables me to do better, it strengthens me when I am weak and it loves on me when I am tired.
His love scoops me up and whispers:
You are ENOUGH!